“90 per cent of men, with perfectly healthy bodies, are unable to perform the first time they indulge in intercourse,” states Dr Rajan Bhonsle, HOD of sexual medicine at a city hospital.
Watching porn worsens the situation
With easy access to pornographic videos online, watching porn is commonplace and for some, an addiction. Dr Bhonsle said, “Men find it difficult to live up to the standards set by professional porn stars. Anxiety in men is about things like, ‘Is my organ big enough?'”
Worrying about size
Despite having perfectly normal, healthy bodies, men often carry apprehensions about their organ. “They do not realise that size does not determine their partner’s satisfaction at all. Men are not aware that someone with a big penis may still not satisfy the partner, while someone with a small organ might satisfy their partner perfectly,” says Dr Bhonsle.
Clinical psychologist Seema Hingoranny explains, “A man fears that his woman might judge him, and might compare him to others or might not like him after the encounter if he does not do well. All these anxieties hamper the performance.”
A partner who criticises
Sexologists say that a woman who is judgmental or critical of her partner’s performance may be one of the reasons of the man being able to perform. This only happens with a small percentage of women.
Tips to beat performance anxiety
Interestingly, the genitals are not the most important organ when it comes to sex; rather, it is the brain. So, beating performance anxiety could just be a matter of altering thoughts, for some. Here are some tips you could follow…
Find out a women’s erogenous zones
Making effort and working seriously on improving your sex life by learning about your partner’s body and its pleasure zones can help. Being mentally close and knowing each others needs and the urge to satisfy your partner can lead to pleasurable sex, regardless of the size of the organ.
Give up obsessing about organ size
Porn leads to unrealistic expectations regarding the size of the penis. Doctors say size has nothing to do with pleasure.
Accept that your sex life can’t match up to professional porn stars’
For many young Indian men, pornographic videos and magazines are the only source of sex education and they grow up to believe that erections should last for hours. However, experts say that ejaculation after penetration takes not more than three to five minutes.
Avoid being too conscious about your body
People undergo depression and loss of self-esteem when they are not able to match up to unrealistic body images of celebrities and models that they are always exposed to. Constantly worrying if one’s body is perfect does not allow the person to enjoy sex. Focus on those parts of your body that you like.
Don’t ponder over negative past experiences
Being ridiculed by their partner can leave scars on one’s psyche but instead of pondering about that constantly, one must move on.
With time, performance is bound to improve
After all, practice does make one perfect. Dr Bhonsle says, “You can’t expect a person to win a gold medal in swimming when he gets into the water for the first time.”
Issues like erectile dysfunction need professional help
Consulting a sexologist is a must if you are suffering from erectile dysfunction. Proper medicines and treatments can help deal with this.
Stay away from stress
Too much daily stress hampers arousal. Spending intimate moments with your partner and making sure you de-stress with massages etc., can help.
DID YOU KNOW?
Around 80 per cent of couples come back from their honeymoon without having intercourse. Despite this, they have great sex lives, subsequently.
Not being able to have intercourse in the first attempt is perfectly normal. You can’t expect a person to win a gold medal in swimming when he gets into the water for the first time!